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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28357035">levitation</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/weneverchange/pseuds/weneverchange'>weneverchange</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Haikyuu!!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alcohol, Alternate Universe - College/University, Bullying, Depressed Yamaguchi Tadashi, Drug Dealer Terushima, Ecstasy/MDMA, Homophobia, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Marijuana, Mental Health Issues, Psilocybin/Shrooms, Recreational Drug Use, Songfic: Levitation (Beach House), mentioned kiyoyachi, unhealthy tsukiyama</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 21:41:57</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,478</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28357035</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/weneverchange/pseuds/weneverchange</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>tadashi is hopelessly and endlessly addicted. he's spectacularly hooked. </p><p>he does drugs, yes. but it's the dealer that he just can't seem to quit.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Referenced Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi, Terushima Yuuji/Yamaguchi Tadashi</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. prologue</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>song: "levitation" by beach house</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>You and me with our long hair on the gold wall;</em>
  <br/>
  <strong> <em>After midnight we could feel it all.</em></strong>
  <br/>
  <strong> <em>I'd go anywhere you want to.</em></strong>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <em>You should see there's a place I want to take you.</em>
  <br/>
  <em>When the train comes I will hold you.</em>
  <br/>
  <em>(When the train comes I will hold you),</em>
  <br/>
  <strong> <em>Cause you blow my mind.</em> </strong>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <strong> <em>On the bridge levitating cause we want to.</em> </strong>
  <br/>
  <em>When the unknown will surround you</em>
  <br/>
  <em>(When the unknown will surround you),</em>
  <br/>
  <em>There is no right time.</em>
  <br/>
  <em>There is no right time.</em>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <em>The branches of the trees,</em>
  <br/>
  <em>They will hang lower now.</em>
  <br/>
  <strong> <em>You will grow too quick</em> </strong>
  <br/>
  <strong> <em>Then you will get over it.</em> </strong>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <em>The branches of the trees,</em>
  <br/>
  <em>They will hang lower now.</em>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <em>There's a place I want to take you,</em>
  <br/>
  <em>When the unknown will surround you.</em>
  <br/>
  <em>There's a place I want to take you.</em>
</p><p>
  <strong> <em>Were you high?</em> </strong>
  <br/>
  <strong>
    <em>When they knocked on the door looking for you…</em>
  </strong>
  <br/>
  <em>When the unknown will surround you </em>
</p><p>
  <strong> <em>Take my hand</em> </strong>
  <br/>
  <strong> <em>As our bodies lift up slowly.</em> </strong>
  <br/>
  <em>There's a place I want to take you (Were you high)</em>
  <br/>
  <em>When they knocked on the door looking for you…</em>
  <br/>
  <em>When the unknown will surround you (take my hand)</em>
  <br/>
  <em>As our bodies lift up slowly,</em>
  <br/>
  <strong> <em>There's a place I want to take you. . .</em> </strong>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. the quiet</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"I'm headed to class. See ya."</p><p>Yamaguchi hums in response, stuffing the last few bites of his leftover takeout into his mouth as his roommate Bobata rushed out the door, raincoat swishing and lanyard jangling. He sits cross-legged on his bed, pecking at the bottom of the plastic container with his chopsticks and bringing tiny pieces of tofu and scallion to his mouth, trying to prolong the spiciness that buzzed on his taste buds. The now-empty Mapo tofu dish was courtesy of Sugawara, who had noticed (or rather, declared with too much concern to be completely justifiable) during a group study session that Yamaguchi looked skinnier than usual, and proceeded to drag him to the nearest restaurant on campus. </p><p>The container clatters as Yamaguchi drops it into the trashcan adjacent to his bed, which was now beyond full and entering <em>if-i-squash-this-down-any-more-my-trashcan-might-actually-break</em> territory. The container falls onto the floor, unable to stay perched atop the pile of crumpled-up papers and empty water bottles. He ignores the sound of plastic on hardwood and resolves to reach for his phone, which had been buzzing with notifications a few minutes prior. </p><p>--------------------</p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <span class="u"> <strong>yacchan :D </strong> </span>
  </p>
  <p><strong>[3:49 PM]</strong> <strong>&gt;&gt;</strong> hey!! i know ur usually super duper busy but i'm coming up to tokyo this weekend and i was wondering if you wanted to grab lunch and catch up ?</p>
  <p><strong>[3:50 PM] &gt;&gt;</strong> lmk if you can, it's been a while! :))</p>
</blockquote><p>--------------------</p><p>He huffed at his phone, eyes focusing and unfocusing on the bright white screen. He swiped away the notification with heavy fingers and collapsed onto his bed, eyes fixed on the wooden slats of the bunk bed above him, phone still clutched loosely in his right hand.</p><p>It's been a while since he and Yachi have actually seen each other in person; they text almost daily and facetime tons, but since graduation, they've only hung out once, Yamaguchi leaving for university in Tokyo and Yachi taking an apprenticeship for graphic design in Miyagi soon after high school ended. It was a week before Tadashi's departure; they had grabbed some fast food and had a picnic in a nearby park, talking about everything and nothing, the cool spring air blowing goosebumps onto their skin. Yachi talked about the date she and Kiyoko had that past weekend. She talked about how Kiyoko is the best girlfriend in the whole world, and how she makes Yachi feel beautiful, special, <em>loved</em>. Yamaguchi talked about how he hadn't seen Tsukki all week, how he always has to text first, how Tsukki rarely makes him feel appreciated. The moments Yamaguchi really felt loved were few and far between, and the gaps were chock full of indifference and coldness. He wanted to feel loved like Yachi did.</p><p>They broke up that day.</p><p>Yachi had helped him craft the perfect breakup text. He just couldn't do it in person; years of knowing Tsukki had trained him to pick up on the little flashes of emotion that pass through his chocolate eyes. He read every quirk of the lip, saw every twitch of acknowledgment, knew how his face goes blank when he's hurting. Tadashi couldn't take it if he saw something shatter behind his childhood friend's indifferent expression, but he <em>definitely</em> couldn't take it if there was no pain in his eyes. Breaking up with Tsukki hurt like hell. He wouldn't be able to see him <em>okay</em> when they'd been best friends for so long. So he broke up through text.</p><p>Tsukishima read it at 2:19 PM. He never responded.</p><p><em>Years and years of friendship, gone in one text. If you'd never dated him, maybe you'd have more than one friend. You're even pushing her away. Pathetic. </em>Yamaguchi suddenly became aware of the mechanical whir of the fluorescent desk lamp to his side. His sheets tangled at his feet, rustling and swishing.</p><p><em>You can't even meet someone you like without getting completely attached. Could you </em>be<em> more clingy?</em> He felt heavy, like the voice leering in his head was personified, pinning him in place with all its body's weight.</p><p>
  <em>There's a reason no one likes you, y'know.</em>
</p><p>He feels his eyes swim with images of other high schoolers standing above him, kicking him and calling him a <em>queer little shit</em>, visions of heavy bags being thrown onto his head, and of Tsukishima's indifference and lack of visible care or kindness. Yamaguchi swallows.</p><p>The light's buzzing became louder, blocking Yamaguchi's ears and forcing his hateful thoughts to ricochet inside his skull. His head throbbed and his throat constricted, eyes prickling slightly. His limbs felt heavier than ever. He couldn't move, he could only listen, listen to the spewing self hate and doubt that his mind was producing. More buzzing, more words, more buzzing, more words, until finally, <em>finally,</em> Tadashi felt around wildly with his left hand, finding the desk lamp's switch and turning it off. The buzzing ceased, and the words became faint muttering and grumbling, whispers of hatred seeping between his vertebrae. He whipped his phone towards his face and put on the first music he saw, turning the volume all the way up and placing the speaker right next to his ear.</p><p>Tadashi refuses to drown in the quiet. </p><p>--------------------</p><p>It's the following Saturday that Yamaguchi feels himself slipping again.</p><p>Bobata had left a little while prior, informing Tadashi that he was headed to the party his fraternity would be hosting just two blocks down, also inviting him to join later in the night if he felt like it. With a jangle of keys and some last-minute adjustments in his mirror, Bobata was gone, leaving his roommate all alone.</p><p>Tadashi is sitting at his desk, the evening sunlight slipping out of the window, leaving the room dark and blueish in the civil twilight until he switches on the bright white light above him. He’s beginning work on a paper for one of his classes, and coming up completely short on ideas. He’s written about 15 theses at this point, and all of them are complete <em>shit</em>. He hears the familiar inner dialogue leering at him, calling him stupid, worthless, insignificant. Tears prick at his eyes and he feels the urge to knock his head against the wooden desk before him until his forehead bleeds from the impact; he instead forces himself to lean back in his chair, eyes now focused on the cheap round light fixture above him, the brightness of it leaving colorful spots to dance in his iris. Those colors are so welcoming, so warm in comparison to the harsh cool hue of his laptop’s screen. He closes his eyes, trying to focus on anything but how shitty he feels, and lets the spots paint his inner eyelids, the colors more distinct now against the dark of his closed eyes.</p><p>His dorm is quiet and cold. It’s the quiet that lets those bad thoughts flood in through his ears, so shouldn’t Yamaguchi go somewhere…<em>loud</em>? He thinks back to what Bobata said on his way out. A party. Definitely not Yamaguchi’s usual scene— he’d never been to a major party before, as the idea of crowds and heavy drinking scared him in high school and Tsukishima had never wanted to go, and he has yet to make any close friends in his time at university— but the idea of being surrounded by loud, thumping music and brightly colored flashing lights, and of letting the buzz of alcohol drive out the negative thoughts from his head, sounds all too appealing to turn down right now. Tadashi abruptly stands and moves to his wardrobe to figure out just what the hell he's going to wear.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>it's a teruyama songfic.......this is quite possibly the most self-indulgent thing i will ever write. or do, honestly. </p><p>beach house!! one of my all time favorite music artists! sidenote: the only drug i have done/do is weed so that's really the only thing i can say is gonna be written based off experience, but i've been doing a shit ton of research to try n be accurate in everything i'm writing :)) please let me know is something is super inaccurate or if i'm missing something major. this fic could potentially be super triggering to those struggling with drug addiction, depression, bullying, or self esteem issues. if you think that applies to you, i'd suggest you don't read, just in case!! take care of yourself, loves.</p><p>other sidenote: my representation of yamaguchi and his mental health struggles are sort of a projection of my personal experience with depression. obviously, it's different for everyone, but i am sorry if you feel this is a misrepresentation. it's just based off of my experience, so idk if its my yams kinnie coming out or what :| anyway that's all guys i hope you enjoy!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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